Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
