Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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