I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
