Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Randomize
