and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Bring me that man meat
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
