it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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