And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
