my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
