I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
