Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
