Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
