i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
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