It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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