Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
