Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
