cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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