Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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