we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
