My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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