last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
