you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
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