I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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