remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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