So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
