you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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