To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i think im in europe. pls send help
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
