My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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