i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
