I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
