Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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