Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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