I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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