So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
