Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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