Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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