Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
