so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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