I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
how drunk are you?
Several
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
