I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
