We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
