if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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