My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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