hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
