How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
