his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
