How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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