I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
a search helicopter?!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
