90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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