i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
