the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
