no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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